I know that it’s been a while since I last wrote and it has been because I have approximately 4 weeks before I leave for the biggest adventure of my life! I’ll be jet-setting to Vancouver BC and will be attending a Discipleship Training School and I couldn’t be more excited!
Recently, I had been struggling for a while in being faithful to spend time with the Lord and it was mostly because I was placing my focus on things that left me empty at the end of the day. Deep down inside I longed to find rest at the feet of Jesus but in my flesh, I decided to take the easy way out instead. My faith was not as strong if I’m being transparent with you, I got to a point that I did not believe that God was hearing any of my prayers and that He never was going to answer one of the desires of my heart – marriage. It took me a lot of time to finally get to a point in where I am content in my singleness but I also know that this will be a roller coaster for me if I let it take control of my emotions.
I know that being single is such a gift from the Lord because I get to have undistracted time with Jesus and let Him be the one to romance my heart but sometimes it feels as if it’s not enough, at least that’s what I tell myself. I thought that by now I would be married and possibly have a child, but that is not what the Lord has for me, yet. Instead, he’s got me traveling the world and meeting people from different cultures and become friends with them and shine Christ’s light. God has grown me in such a way from a couple of years ago and I couldn’t be happier. I know that I prayed to God to prepare my heart for marriage a long time ago and, while I still desire it on this side of eternity, what if that doesn’t happen? Am I going to reject him and settle for less than what he has for me because I want things my way? No, because I’m not a member of the Backstreet Boys.
I confess that I thought that the Lord had answered my prayer in such an unbelievable way at one point but the jury is still out. I know that I have to remind myself of truth every day and quote scripture to remember that God hears the prayers of his children and that he has kept all of our tears in a jar. Even though, I think in my case it might be barrels! When I start to wander off and doubt God’s purpose for my life I immediately take those thoughts captive and persevere through it. I struggle with being a perfectionist and even perfection can become an idol in my life! I may have good intentions in everything that I want to do when it comes to my love life but, as a friend so encouragingly told me, “You’re worrying about controlling something that God already has total control over.”
“Our hearts ache, but we always have joy…”
2 Corinthians 6:10
I know that I usually don’t write about these kinds of things on my blog but I felt as if I needed to share it today. I would leave you with this question: are you trusting God and his power or your own strength?